The Magic of Validation in Relationships

Discover the Transformative Power of Validation in Relationships

By: Austin Weber, LMFT-Associate, MFT-IT, LCDC

Have you ever shared something close to your heart—only to be met with silence or a swift change of subject? It’s jarring, like missing a step on a staircase. For a split second, the ground vanishes beneath you. You're left feeling off-balance, unsure, and a little foolish for having reached out.

In contrast, when someone truly hears you and says, “That makes sense,” it feels like magic. Suddenly, you’re not alone in your experience. You’re seen. Understood.

The Importance of Validation

So many of us walk around with an internal voice that constantly de-validates and criticizes who we are. It looks for flaws, questions our beliefs, and tells us we are not good enough. This negative self-talk is so ingrained that we often don’t even realize it's happening.

Our brains are wired for survival. They naturally scan for negativity to protect us from potential danger. However, most of us don’t recognize this cycle until someone validates or celebrates us. Every once in a while, someone offers us a moment of genuine validation—a kind word, a nod of understanding—and suddenly, something shifts.

We feel recognized. Grounded. A little more human. That feeling? That’s where the magic begins.

How Validation Evolves in Our Lives

Validation is a fundamental human need. We all crave and actively seek it throughout our lives. Think back to when we were young. Our parents celebrated our first steps, first words, and every little milestone. We unconsciously received the validation and recognition we deserved.

However, as we grow older, life’s expectations shift. Achievements become expected, mistakes are highlighted, and validation often becomes scarce. Over time, negativity takes precedence. It reshapes how we view the world.

We stop hearing or accepting validation. Our social and personal journeys become patterns of adaptation, unmet needs, and negativity.

Breaking the Cycle with Validation

Communicating validation is incredibly powerful. It can be taught and incorporated into any relationship. One effective way to cultivate validation is by embracing the Zero-Negativity Rule. This means exactly what you think it means: No negativity, only positivity combined with curiosity and compassion.

Both partners must agree to the Zero-Negativity Rule. They must remove criticism, judgment, stonewalling, defensiveness, and retaliation. This can be challenging, especially when we are all consumed by social media, reality TV drama, and conflict.

However, beneath it all, what we truly desire is validation and celebration.

Once we commit to the Zero-Negativity Rule, we are ready to validate. It’s simple yet profoundly impactful. Here’s how you can start:

• Acknowledge what someone is expressing by saying, “That makes sense, and what makes sense is…” or “I really connected with what you said because…”

  
  

Validation is so powerful that when we practice it with our partner, they may not consciously recognize it. However, they will feel seen and heard.

It’s as if you’ve wandered into Ollivander’s wand shop—not to select a wand made of phoenix feather or unicorn hair—but to discover your own source of magic: your words and actions.

In the realm of relationships, your words are the wand. They are delicate, deliberate, and full of potential. The magic? That’s the feeling of connection, understanding, and transformation that validation creates.

Just as wizards must wield their wands with wisdom and care, we must wield our words and actions with the same care. They can either create closeness or cause harm.

All it takes is something as simple and profound as saying, “That makes sense to me, and what makes sense is…” These small, intentional gestures can spark powerful emotional shifts. They can deepen your bond in ways that feel truly magical.

Try Cultivating Validation Today

Make a conscious effort to notice and name the good in the people around you. Look for moments, big or small, where you can offer a kind word or reflect back something meaningful they’ve shared.

It doesn’t take a grand gesture. A thoughtful phrase, a listening ear, or a simple “That makes sense to me...” can go a long way.

Like a well-aimed spell, your words have the power to heal, connect, and transform. When spoken with care, they become tiny acts of magic. These actions nurture stronger, more meaningful relationships.

Remember, the more you practice, the more natural it becomes. Every small act contributes to the fabric of connection.

Conclusion: Validation in Relationships

Validation is not just a tool; it is a way of life. When you foster it consistently, you can build deeper connections with those you love. Relationships thrive on understanding and recognition. Therefore, let’s make a conscious choice to validate.

If you want to find out more about validation, reach out to one of our branch owners today to learn more about couples therapy.

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