The Magic of Validation in Relationships

Discover the transformative power of validation In relationships. Learn how simple, Intentional words can deepen connection, Improve communication, and create lasting emotional Intimacy.

By: Austin Weber, LMFT-Associate, MFT-IT, LCDC.

Have you ever shared something close to your heart—only to be met with silence or a quick change of subject? It’s jarring, like missing a step on a staircase. For a split second, the ground vanishes beneath you, and you're left feeling off-balance, unsure, and a little foolish for having reached out. In contrast, when someone truly hears you and says, “That makes sense,” it can feel like magic. Suddenly, you’re not alone in your experience. You’re seen. Understood. 

So many of us walk around with an internal voice that constantly de-validates and criticizes who we are. It looks for flaws, questions our beliefs, and tells us we are not good enough. This negative self-talk is so ingrained that we often don’t even realize it's happening. Our brains are wired for survival, naturally scanning for negativity to protect us from potential danger.

However, most of us don’t recognize this cycle until someone validates or celebrates us. Every once in a while, someone offers us a moment of genuine validation—a kind word, a nod of understanding—and suddenly, something shifts. We feel recognized. Grounded. A little more human. That feeling? That’s where the magic begins.

How validation evolves in our lives

Validation is something we all crave and actively seek. Think back to when we were young—our parents celebrated our first steps, our first words, and every little milestone. We unconsciously received the validation and recognition we deserved. But as we grow older, life’s expectations shift. Achievements become expected, mistakes are highlighted, and validation becomes scarce. Over time, negativity takes precedence, shaping how we view the world. We stop hearing or accepting validation, and our social and personal journeys become patterns of adaptations, unmet needs, and negativity.

Breaking the cycle with validation

Communicating Validation is an incredibly powerful tool that can be taught and incorporated into any relationship. One effective way to cultivate validation is by embracing the Zero-Negativity Rule, which means exactly as you are reading it, no negativity, only positivity with curiosity and compassion. Both partners must agree to the zero-negativity rule and remove criticism, judgment, stonewalling, defensiveness, and retaliation. Admittedly, this can be challenging, especially when we are all consumed by social media, reality TV drama, and conflict. However, beneath it all, what we truly desire is validation and celebration.

Once we commit to the Zero-Negativity Rule, we are ready to validate. It’s simple yet profoundly impactful. Here’s how:

• Acknowledge what someone is expressing by saying, “That makes sense, and what makes sense is…” or “I really connected with what you said because…”

Validation is so powerful that when we practice it with our partner, they may not consciously recognize it, but they will feel seen and heard.  It’s as if you’ve wandered into Ollivander’s wand shop—not to select a wand made of phoenix feather or unicorn hair, but to discover your own source of magic: your words and actions. In the realm of relationships, your words are the wand—delicate, deliberate, and full of potential. And the magic? That’s the feeling of connection, understanding, and transformation that validation creates. Just as wizards must wield their wands with wisdom and care, we must wield our words and actions with the same care—because they can either create closeness or cause harm.  All it takes is something as simple—and profound—as saying, “That makes sense to me, and what makes sense is…” These small, intentional gestures can spark powerful emotional shifts and deepen your bond in ways that feel truly magical.

Try cultivating validation today

Make a conscious effort to notice and name the good in the people around you—your partner, your friends, your loved ones. Look for moments, big or small, where you can offer a kind word or reflect back something meaningful they’ve shared. It doesn’t take a grand gesture—just a thoughtful phrase, a listening ear, or a simple “That makes sense to me...” can go a long way. Like a well-aimed spell, your words have the power to heal, connect, and transform. When spoken with care, they become tiny acts of magic that nurture stronger, more meaningful relationships. And remember, the more you practice, the more natural it becomes.

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If you want to find out more about validation, reach out to one of our branch owners today to learn more about couples therapy.

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