The Power of Appreciation: Finding Strength in Difficult Times
- Austin Weber
- Jun 17
- 4 min read
Life throws curveballs, and sometimes those curveballs involve difficult situations, especially when alcohol is present. It's easy to get caught in a spiral of frustration, anger, or despair. But what if there were a simple yet powerful tool you could use to shift your perspective, find inner strength, and even positively influence the situation? That tool is appreciation.
What is Appreciation, Really?:
Appreciation isn't just about saying "thank you." It's a conscious act of acknowledging and valuing what is good, positive, or even simply present in any given moment. It's about shifting your focus from what's wrong to what's right, or what could be right (Emmons & McCullough, 2003).
Why is Appreciation So Powerful?:
Changes Your Brain Chemistry: When you appreciate, your brain releases "feel-good" chemicals like dopamine and oxytocin. This reduces stress, improves mood, and enhances your ability to think clearly and creatively (Fredrickson, 2004; Siegel, 2010).
Shifts Your Perspective: It's hard to feel negative and appreciative at the same time. Focusing on appreciation naturally redirects your attention away from problems and towards solutions or calm (Fredrickson, 2004).
Builds Resilience: Regularly practicing appreciation helps you develop a more positive outlook, making you more resilient in the face of adversity (Emmons & McCullough, 2003).
Improves Relationships: Expressing appreciation to others (even in difficult situations) can de-escalate tension, open lines of communication, and foster understanding (Gottman & Silver, 2015).
Empowerment: You can't always control external circumstances, but you can always control your own thoughts and where you place your focus. Appreciation is a powerful act of self-empowerment (Siegel, 2010).
How to Use Appreciation in a Difficult Situation with Alcohol:
This isn't about condoning harmful behavior or ignoring serious issues. It's about finding a foothold for yourself and creating a more constructive environment, even amidst difficulty (Linehan, 2015; SAMHSA, 2020). Here's how you can actively practice appreciation:
Acknowledge Your Feelings (Without Dwelling):
It's okay to feel frustration, sadness, or anger. Acknowledge these feelings, but then consciously choose to pivot. "I'm feeling really stressed right now, but I appreciate that I'm strong enough to handle this. (Kabat-Zinn, 1994).”
Find One Small Thing to Appreciate (Even if it's Tiny):
"I appreciate that I have a safe place to be right now."
"I appreciate that I'm breathing and can take a moment to collect myself."
"I appreciate my own commitment to finding a better path."
"I appreciate the quiet moment I can create for myself, even if it's just for a few seconds."
"I appreciate that I'm learning and growing through this experience."
These small shifts build emotional regulation and reduce rumination (Fredrickson, 2004; Siegel, 2010).
Appreciate the Person (Separating the Behavior):
Even if someone's actions are difficult due to alcohol, try to find something to appreciate about them as a person, if possible. This isn't about excusing their behavior, but about recognizing their inherent worth (Gottman & Silver, 2015).
"I appreciate their kindness when they're not drinking."
"I appreciate the good memories we've shared."
"I appreciate their underlying desire to be well, even if they're struggling right now."
Appreciate the Opportunity for Growth:
Difficult situations, while painful, often present opportunities for personal growth, boundary setting, and self-discovery (Linehan, 2015).
"I appreciate that this situation is teaching me about my own strength and resilience."
"I appreciate the clarity this is giving me about my needs and boundaries."
Use Appreciation to De-escalate (If Safe and Appropriate):
Sometimes, simply stating something you appreciate can shift the dynamic. Use with caution and only if you feel safe (SAMHSA, 2020). If you do not feel safe, then reach out to a mental health professional to seek guidance.
Instead of "You're being impossible!"
Try: "I appreciate that you're trying to communicate, even if it's hard right now."
Focus on Your Desired Outcome (and Appreciate it):
Instead of fixating on the problem, imagine the positive outcome you desire, and appreciate it as if it's already happening.
"I appreciate a calm and peaceful resolution to this situation."
"I appreciate a clear path forward."
“I appreciate us trying to find a solution together.”
Practice Makes Progress:
The more you consciously practice appreciation, the easier and more natural it becomes. It's not about ignoring reality, but about choosing your focus. In challenging moments, especially those involving alcohol, shifting to appreciation can be your secret weapon for maintaining your own well-being and finding strength in unexpected places (Emmons & McCullough, 2003; Kabat-Zinn, 1994). The focus of using the appreciation tools is to be proactive and to try and shift the brain’s mindset from the negative bias, along with changing the way we look at problems. Alcohol and Drug use can make situations complicated and feel impossible; however, under the substances is a person who is hurting.
Suggested Resources:
Greater Good Science Center at UC Berkeleyhttps://greatergood.berkeley.edu/
Offers free resources, articles, and practices related to gratitude, resilience, and mental health.
SAMHSA’s National Helpline1-800-662-HELP (4357)
for support related to alcohol and substance use.
Imago Relationships Internationalhttps://imagorelationships.org/
Tools for enhancing communication, empathy, and emotional connection in relationships.
Insight Timer or Calm App
Free meditations on gratitude, stress relief, and emotional regulation.
Al-Anon Family Groups https://al-anon.org/
Support and community for those affected by someone else’s drinking
References:
Emmons, R. A., & McCullough, M. E. (2003). Counting blessings versus burdens: An
experimental investigation of gratitude and subjective well-being in daily life. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 84(2), 377–389. https://doi.org/10.1037/0022-3514.84.2.377
Fredrickson, B. L. (2004). The broaden-and-build theory of positive emotions. Philosophical
Transactions of the Royal Society of London. Series B: Biological Sciences, 359(1449), 1367–1377. https://doi.org/10.1098/rstb.2004.1512
Gottman, J. M., & Silver, N. (2015). The seven principles for making marriage work: A
practical guide from the country’s foremost relationship expert. Harmony Books.
Kabat-Zinn, J. (1994). Wherever you go, there you are: Mindfulness meditation in everyday life. Hyperion.
Linehan, M. M. (2015). DBT skills training manual (2nd ed.). Guilford Press.
Siegel, D. J. (2010). The mindful therapist: A clinician’s guide to mindsight and neural integration. W. W. Norton & Company.
Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration. (2020). Substance use and co
occurring mental disorders. https://www.samhsa.gov/
Comments